A Testing Day
by Gardie
Summary: Onceoff. AU. Gai decides to give a biology test to his class but is prevented by a chain of events. Includes bugs and alcohol.


A Testing Day 

By: Gardie

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or related things. I just enjoy it and write fanfiction.

AN: I had a free day during my exams and, instead of studying, decided to write this. Enjoy.

"ALRIGHT CLASS! SINCE IT'S SUCH A NICE DAY I DECIDED TO GIVE YOU ALL A TEST!"

Gai's class all pulled their fingers out of their sore ears before realising what had been shouted at them for all the school to hear. Needless to say the class immediately began to protest.

"Aw, come on, sir!"

"No test, please!"

"Why?"

"Sasuke you ass! Five me back my pencil!"

The last cry was from Naruto as he saw Sasuke take a pencil out.

"This is my pencil, dobe. See, it has my name on it."

Sure enough, in perfect handwriting, Uchiha Sasuke was written on the side.

"You vandalised my pencil! I hate you!"

"NARUTO, WHAT IS THE MATTER?"

"Sasuke-teme stole my pencil! See!"

Naruto pointed at the pencil in Sasuke's hand.

"It's the same as mine, not very round and it's got red and black stripes!"

"Half the classes pencils look like that!" yelled Sakura, "Stop annoying Sasuke-kun!"

Sakura glanced at Sasuke to see if the Genius had noticed her defending him. He was just sharpening the pencil that was causing so much grief. Sakura immediately fell into depression.

"HAVE YOU LOOKED IN YOUR BAG UZAMAKI?"

The windswept Naruto shook his head and began looking through his bag.

"Here it is!" he cried triumphantly, clutching his beloved pencil, tears flowing down his cheeks, while everyone gave him weird looks.

"NOW LET ME HAND OUT YOUR TESTS!" boomed Gai.

He walked up and down the rows of desks, placing a test paper carefully on each one. When he got to Shikamaru he had to slow down to sneak one under the sleeping student.

"Shouldn't we wake up Shikamaru?" asked Ino.

"OF COURSE NOT! YOUNG PEOPLE NEED THEIR REST AFTER ALL!"

"In that case I'm quiet tired myself," said several students who were suddenly yawning.

"THAT'S FINE! SLEEP WELL! JUST REMEMBER TO MAKE UP FOR IT IN YOUR FINALS!"

"Never mind then. I'm wide awake," corrected the would-be sleepers.

"NO TALKING NOW! PLEASE BEGIN THE TEST! GOOD LUCK!"

Naruto looked down at his test to begin:

BIOLOGY TEST

Question 1: Multiple choice

Which of the following animals lives in water?

A) Bat B) Lion

C) Camel D) Fish

_It's D, _thought Naruto.

_Are you sure? _Asked another voice inside his head, _Maybe it's B. Haven't you heard of a sea-lion?_

_But…fish live in water._

_I think you need to be extra sure._

_Fine. Eeeny meeny miny mo. Catch a Kyuubi by the toe. If he hollers let him go. My voice-inside-my-head says I must choose this one. C! The answer's c1_

_Good work, little one._

Naruto used the rhyme for the next question as well and got C. Then he got C for question 3 and C for question 4.

_There's a pattern here, _thought Naruto as he quickly put C down for all the rest of the questions.

Sakura looked up from her own, mostly finished, paper to stare at Sasuke, who was also almost finished the very easy test. Ino, and half the other girls in class, was dreamily watching Sasuke writing down the correct answers. Ino and Sakura's eyes met and Ino stuck her tongue out at Sakura. The pink-haired girl returned the insult before turning angrily back to her page.

_We'll see who gets Sasuke in the end Ino-pig. It'll be me. Hell yeah!_

Kiba, who was doing about the same as Naruto, only with more correct incorrect answers, looked out the window and was shocked to see his beloved puppy, Akamaru, being chased by a larger brown dog. Kiba leapt out of his seat and out the open window. In the process his chair flew back with some force, knocking Shino back, who knocked Shikamaru back, who stopped when he hit Chouji.

"WHAT'S GOING ON?" shouted Gai, "NOOOOO!"

He watched as Kiba exited the room through the window.

"WE'RE ON THE SECOND STORY!"

Luckily Kiba's fall was broken by a bush and, unhurt, he charged off to rescue Akamaru. It was then that Gai noticed Shino was crawling with bugs (actually the bugs were crawling on Shino but anyway). Gai just so happened to have a bug-phobia and, letting out a girly scream, jumped as high as he could and latched onto the overhead fan. Luckily it was on the 'low' setting and he slowly rotated above the class. Before Gai could get back any order in the class there was a knock on the door.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Come in," squeaked Gai.

The door opened to reveal Neji. He stood absolutely still, looking at Gai. He seemed to have an uncanny ability to know exactly what was going on round him without ever looking around.

"Kakashi-sensei would like a word with you," said Neji calmly, not making any note of the chaos the class was in.

Neji then looked down at Naruto's test to see what exactly they were supposed to be doing. It turns out that this was a bad idea. Slamming his hands on his desk Naruto stood up angrily.

"Sir! Neji's cheating! He's looking at my test!"

"How can I be cheating?" asked Neji, "I'm not even writing the test and I certainly wouldn't try to copy you. I can get double your total mark in one question."

"Say that to my face you stuck-up rich boy!"

Naruto had obviously not noticed they weren't even a metre apart.

"N-Naruto-kun d-didn't mean it, N-Neji-nii-san." Stuttered Hinata.

"Gai, dropping to the ground in a crash as the fan finally fell from the ceiling, prevented any more arguing.

"RIGHT!" he said, back to normal volume, "I'LL BE OFF! YOU PEOPLE CAN CLEAN UP WITHOUT ME! DON'T SQUANDER YOUR SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH! LET'S GO, NEJI!"

"You first, sir," said Neji politely, standing aside.

"WHY THANK YOU!"

As soon as Gai left Neji turned to Naruto and struck him, open-fisted, in the stomach, causing Naruto to collapse, gasping for breath and Hinata to faint.

"Safe now, eh, Akamaru?"

Akamaru moaned a sceptical reply. Kiba and him were perched precariously on a tree limb, the dog snarling at them from the ground. The noise had also attracted some other dogs who were all surrounding the bottom of the tree.

"Don't worry. I'm sure they'll leave soon."

"YES, KAKASHI! YOU WISHED TO ENGAGE ME IN A WITTY AND MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION!"

"I did?"

"AIIIIEEEE! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT HIP ATTITUDE?"

"Garage sale."

"OH MY!"

"Gai, I have a problem with one of your register students."

"I CAN IMAGINE! IF ONLY THEY WERE ALL LIKE LEE!"

Gai glanced around the room. Then he looked again more nervously, then he panicked.

"WHERE'S LEE?"

"In the side room," gestured Kakashi.

"LEE!"

Gai ran to the door and found it was locked.

"Lee was drinking in my class and is now drunk."

"NEVER! NOT MY LEE!"

"Gai! Lee has a problem!"

"NO!"

"Yes."

"DOESN'T"

"Does!"

"OH, LEE! DOST THIS MASKED MAN SPEAK THE TRUTH? HAST THOU ABANDONED THE BOUNTIFUL SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH AND FALLEN INTO THE CLUTCHES OF ALCOHOL?"

Neji opened the side room and Lee leapt out, face red, arms raised and looking for a fight.

"WASHA PROBLEM? YOUSHA SHTARRING AT ME?"

Lee tried to punch his teacher but Gai caught the punch with his hand.

"OH LEE! MY FALLEN ANGEL! I WILL RETURN YOU TO HEAVEN!"

The class all gasped as Gai raised a fist and knocked Lee out.

"D-did you kill him?" asked Tenten.

"NEVER! I WOULD NOT TAKE THE LIFE OF MY FAVOURITE STUDENT! I AM SORRY, KAKASHI, BUT I MUST TAKE LEE TO BE REHABILITATED IMMEDIATELY!"

"Good, good. I'll dismiss your class."

"THANK YOU, DEAR FRIEND!"

Kakashi nodded, took out a book and started reading. His class returned to their work, interrupted every now and then by Kakashi's giggles.

In Gai's class, under Sasuke's direction, everyone, except Shikamaru, who was still asleep, had tidied up the class. Now, under Naruto's direction, they were ceremonially burning the tests. At least Naruto was, hopping around with a lighter and burning the pieces of paper unfortunate enough to be grabbed by him in the front of the class. He claimed they needed to be punched for their, 'crimes against humanity'. Chouji was eating chips next to Shikamaru, sleeping despite the noise. Shino was counting the bugs in his jars; sure they'd missed one in the collection. Hinata was apologising to the majority of the class who were huddled away from Naruto in a corner of the room, while Sakura, Ino and the rest of Sasuke's fangirls protected him from Naruto.

"Sasuke, give me the paper!"

"It's mine!"

Sasuke hugged his paper tighter.

"It's evil, it must die!"

Naruto came too close and was set upon by the fangirls until they were sure he was far enough away from Sasuke.

At the end of the day Kakashi came and dismissed them, still reading his book. Sasuke was first to run out of class, clutching his test, closely followed by Naruto. At the end only Shikamaru was left, sleeping.

"Are you leaving?" asked Kakashi.

Snore.

"Leave."

Snore.

"Fine, I'll sit here until you leave."

Snore.

Giggle, blush.

Snore.

Giggle, blush.

When Kiba didn't come home his mother went to look for him. When the dogs saw her face they immediately fled, allowing the relieved Kiba and Akamaru to first relieve themselves then go home.

Lee was accepted into rehab but Gai was forbidden from seeing him. Devastated by the news Gai drank until he was finally admitted with Lee.

The End


End file.
